🚨 BREAKING: Dick Cheney Arrested 🚨

Disgraced former Vice President Dick Cheney was arrested Christmas Eve while trying to discretely reenter the United States to spend the holiday with his daughters—Liz and Mary–at the latter’s home in Virginia, said a Judge Advocate General’s Corps representative speaking under terms of anonymity. As Real Raw News reported previously, the 9/11 mastermind had on 11 November fled the U.S. for New Zealand after discovering, apparently, that he, like his former boss George W. Bush, was the target of a military arrest warrant. Bush was apprehended that night, but Cheney had a sophisticated escape and evasion plan that aided his getaway. “JAG and OMC received actionable intelligence that Cheney was returning to the U.S. aboard an unscheduled and undeclared CIA Boeing 777-200 headed to Miami. When the intel came in, he’d already been in the air for some time, and the flight was scheduled to touch down sometime around 4:00 p.m., Christmas Eve. He was already halfway here, so we had only hours to get in motion,” our source said.